When I was younger I wanted to be the best at something. I wanted to be able to pick one thing and devote all of my energies to it so that I could just know that it was my strength-- my forte. I never found it. Nowadays, I just hang onto the hope that if you want something badly enough, there is an opportunity to grow. But I still often wonder how people are supposed to gauge potential. I heard a friend of mine, who happens to be quite talented, say something about people pursuing dance who will 'never go anywhere'. And something about that stuck with me. It sounds like such a death sentence to think that there is no chance that they could succeed and even worse that they're trying to. I almost wish she wasn't a person whose opinion I respected, so I could brush off those words as ignorance.

 

So when you're following your dreams, shooting for the stars, and all of those rosy cliches' they teach you in elementary school, what are you supposed to do with reality? Do we listen to people who are experts to tell us whether we have what it takes? Do we just go for it anyways? And where is the damn potential meter that definitively measures what you've got? I wish I knew.

 

It seems to me that people run on confidence fuel. Perhaps the compliment from a friend will get you through the rest of the day, and the encouragement from an expert will propel you next week. But something has to come from inside. I know what it's like to feel that the compliments are false, and in that case they might as well not exist. That belief, that drive, where does it come from? I think a lot of it might just be determination. And perhaps also a lot of conviction-- something they just do without a second thought. But do those things mean you have what it takes? Maybe not. But I guess they do mean you'll give it a try.

When I write things on here, I always wonder if it'll come off sounding sad, happy, or inquisitive. Those are probably the three most common tones in my writings, I suppose. But I'm always a little bit afraid to sound 'too sad'. In the past few years, I've learned that a lot of people don't know how to react to sadness. Not really. For some, their problems lie deep in negativity and it seems easier to climb the statue of liberty blindfolded than to affect their mood. From people like that I tend to flee. It seems like a lose lose situation. But others, and I hope that it usually includes me,  just need perspective. And look to friends, having confidence that they have wisdom and experiences that can help when you've been kicked to the curb. Sometimes it's hard to look at things differently, but that kind of help can mean a lot.

 

I think such things can be difficult to distinguish in a blog. Things that are so strikingly clear in person can be nebulous to recognize in the typed words of this place. So I fear at times that my tone will somehow become how I represent myself. And though I realize it doesn't matter, it's just a silly blog, it matters to me. And that just might be the heart of both happiness and sadness.